Mrs. Perry Grin Falcon flew gracefully through the afternoon skies above the thriving metropolis of Salt Lake City, Her keen eye scanning the landscape for any sign of food for her four little ones. Mrs. Falcon was just one of the many unfortunate rabble that found themselves at the mercy of the big city.
Who knew why they came, this mass of transient wildlife. Some were just out of hope and luck, others were lazy fowl looking for a free meal between their drunken binges on the pond. This particular predator was just trying to make her way in the world. She was a proud parent when the eggs were laid. Their father was a shifty sort and abandoned her when he found out she was with egg. She had to find a home for her family by herself. The top floor of the tall Joseph Smith Building seemed to be perfect; No one would bother them and she had a perfect vantage point from which to hunt.
Meanwhile... those annoying animals that walked around below her on two legs were congregating and staring up at her little family. They peered through strange boxes with large round eyes and pointed. To be honest, it kind of freaked Perry out. After a while she accepted the strange behavior as part of her new home's bizarre rituals.
It was late in the evening when Perry returned with the evening meal. It was a nice fat pigeon who had not been alert enough to escape her swift attack.
Yoo hooo! Mama's home! Cried Perry, as she lit on the edge of the nest. Before her were four gaping mouths squaking for food.
"Who's first?" She screached.
"Me, me! I want to be first." Said Joey.
"No, me first!" Cried little Suzy.
"Hey, I'm the oldest, I should be first." Said Lenny
"Duh, gee maw, I'm not firsty right now." Quipped Leon.
Ya see, Leon wasn't the brightest bulb in the box. He was the last one to hatch and almost didn't make it out of the shell. He just seemed to be, well... different. Perry noticed his oddities early. As they began to develop their wings, the little ones would hop and jump around the nest, but not Leon. He was too busy studying his own foot. He'd hop around while holding the other in front of his face, it was a bit embarrassing.
The Strange earth bound creatures continued their odd behavior. Perry found it most annoying. Why were they so preoccupied with her little family. Hadn't they ever seen a bird before? Still, there they were, day in and day out. So it went.
Well, this is where I, as a piper, enter the story. I too was amazed at the general buzz in the air over this little family of Falcons. Then one day it happened. I was arriving at my usual spot and preparing to play when a woman came up to me.
"Did you hear? One of the Falcon babies are missing!" She said.
The whole street was in an uproar. hundreds of eager eyes scanned the buildings and the skyline to locate the little lost fella. Finally, some intrepid birder found the lost wee one high on the eighth story of a building across from the south gate of Temple Square, in Salt Lake's business district. I was playing the pipes and enjoying the evening when a woman approached me.
Bird Woman: "Excuse me, we have a lost little Falcon up on the eighth floor of that building. It's calling for it's mother, but she can't hear because of you playing the pipes. Could you go somewhere else and play?"
Me: Uh, no. This is how I feed my family, it's what I do. I have to play here because this is where the people are.
Bird Woman: But the mother can't hear her little bird and come and rescue it.
Me: Sorry, but I have to make a living too.
I know what you're thinking. "You heartless beast, how could you say such a thing." Before you judge me too harshly, let's look at the woman's request logically.
First: what if this scene were being enacted in the wild? Once the young bird can fly and leave the nest, the mother moves on. She doesn't keep a spare room in the back just in case her little one wants to come home.
Second: Falcon's have extremely acute hearing. I wasn't playing my pipes continuously. I take a few minutes to rest between each tune; more than enough time for the piercing cry of the young Falcon to reach the, most likely, uninterested ears of it's mother.
Third: These birds are wild, by nature, and as such adhere to the rules of the natural wild kingdom they live in. They do not live their lives by the same morals and social standards that we do, and it is a mistake to transpose our ideals upon them.
This is just one more instance showing the desperate need these type of animal activists have to get a life. Obviously, this woman had read the classic childhood book "Are You My Mother" and believed it.
"For those of you not familiar with the book, it tells of a small chick who falls from a nest and has to go in search for it's mother. It asks all kinds of things if they are it's mother and is finally rescued by a huge steam shovel that drops it back in the nest."
So, Our bird loving woman must have thought that this scenario was identical to the poor lost bird from the book. Oh, fantasy can be fun, can't it. Wake up lady! Sheesh! Anyway, Leon the bird eventually flew away, oblivious of the many frantic do gooders below running around like chickens with their heads.... well you know the line. It's just natural selection at work. If we saved every Leon that came along we would have a world full of stupid... uh, Wow, now I see the problem we have in our government. Hmmm, that's a tale for another time. Night all!
